Open Enrollment

by

D. A. Houdek

2000 Light Years From Home Buy this poster at Art.com

Not that it's easy, mind you. No sirree. Colonizing a new world is hard work and makes big change in the way you live. It'll all be worth it when they see this place and what we've accomplished though. We can all thumb our noses at those over-educated snobs.

I supposed the hardest thing is that there are no more choices. It used to be you had to decide what you were going to do all day, and where you would go... you know... which movie to see, where to go on vacation... what to eat... that sort of thing. There were lots and lots of choices.

Yup, that's the hardest thing. That and no coffee.

Gawd, do you remember how it used to smell first thing in the morning? It was wonderful. It tasted so good, that first cup. Roll out of bed, feet hit warm carpeting, a hot shower with soap, and then a cup of coffee. That first blast of caffeine... nothing can compare.

Luxury is entirely relative, you know.

I don't know why anyone didn't think to bring coffee seeds - or whatever it is that coffee grows from. We've got six portable television sets, after all. And I remember how smug those folks were that they'd thought to bring the kind with rechargeable batteries.

There's nothing to recharge the batteries with.

And no television stations.

But, at least, we could have watched all the home movies that the thirty or so video cameras shot ("We've got to document these early years, you know"). More smug bastards. Well, their batteries only lasted ninety minutes or so. Thank God we got those early minutes documented.

Not me. Uh huh. I was smart. I planned ahead.  I used my weight allotment for tools. Good tools. The kind with the lifetime guarantee. I brought a socket set and screwdrivers and a tire pressure gauge you could run over with a truck and not hurt.

There are no trucks.

And no cars.

No screws to drive.

I broke the ratchet using it as a hammer. I hadn't brought a hammer. I'd return it, like the guarantee promised, but the only Sears store is - how many miles did someone say? - some odd number of billions. Light years or some such.

Gosh but these mornings are starting to get chilly. Somebody really ought to do something about it, build a house or something. I wonder if anyone knows how? Doesn't matter. The ship will be back before winter anyhow. They'll bring those pre-fab houses for us. Our Council sent back a requisition for them and, I know for a fact, they specified that we wanted electric outlets in them and running water. I hope they don't forget the carpeting. Nice, plush carpeting.

We kind of expected the ship to be back by now.

They are going to be so proud of us and of the progress we've made. We have such a fine lawn (thanks, of course, to that smart fellow who thought to bring a push mower!). With the flowers the garden club planted, the place looks great.

Those self-righteous bastards back on Earth will see how well an open enrollment colony can work.

The End